Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
