We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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