gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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