I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
