we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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