all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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