she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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