im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize