Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
