Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
