if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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