I can tuck mytits in my pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize