I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
