apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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