some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
