What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
