talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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