sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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