Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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