I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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