I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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