Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
