Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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