You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
