You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found puke in my bra..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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