i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
