dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
