i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
