"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize