I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
