Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
