and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
