I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
