You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
