at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
