you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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