what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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