I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
