Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
