this beer tastes like vomit already
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
