dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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