so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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