Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
