All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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