So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize