My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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