so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
