We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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