Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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