the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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