i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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