it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
