oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
