idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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