He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
