Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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