I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
