one two three fourrrrnication!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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