I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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