When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
