he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
