bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
