508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
