A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
