My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
