He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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