What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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