Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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