this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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