Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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