I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
