New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
