That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
