Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize