I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
