youre lurking in front of me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
