Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize