I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
