Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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