Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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