Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
