I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
