see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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