we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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