I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
