who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize