I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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