That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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