My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize