It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
