I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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