at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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