i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize