i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
