Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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