he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
