There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
