the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You left your phone here
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