just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
