just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
