I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
