I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
