he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize