no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
