Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
