Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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