I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
not ubering you a puppy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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