update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize