theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
