I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
