Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
